Sleep is a luxury i used to have, haven’t had proper sleep in days.. Revelation thoughts like John hoping its just a phase.. Windows closed amnesia of what fresh air feels like… so i breath this emancipation-less polluted air is what it feels like… thoughts debating on decisions made that cant be turned back.. value lost over regrets like its burnt crack… Hating my soul hoping the feeling aint mutual.. trying to move on from the bullshit, thathas become a ritual.. like a repeated song overplayed on my playlist… like an atheist.. startin to believe in the lies i know is BS.. but when you hear the same lie over & over its all you can relate.. truth transforming into fiction like a Spielberg movie.. A movie with scripts altered at my expense cant afford it like its Gucci… Happiness is my ex and love is a bitch that’s fake.. thinkin about happiness and how breaking up with her was a mistake… yet loyal to the ungrateful… heavily unfaithful.. Girl that i call hope she’s so disgraceful… tryna close the next chapter but still stuck on page two.. in the book of life where survivor is the author.. reading between the lines… tryna escape but still trapped in my mind..
Seating here thinking why am I here thinkin about you… thoughts of.friendship and love walking.the same route… Was I wrong to think our friendship would prevail… Dismissing the fact that our love once failed… We talk but I feel.too much is left unsaid like our relation… when thoughts do.come out they get lost in translation… You fucked it up yet still place the blame on me… Delusions that we could still be friends well shame on me… I treated you right now you treat so left like lisa… Left I lopez R.I.P to what we once had… reading your drunk texts thinkin why Ex’s so fucked up… claim you still wanted us to work where was the work when you cheated?… live me alone cuz my hopes been defeated… Defeated by your lack of constistency… we.had a good thing now its da vinci cuz we history… All good things come to an end like tribunal cases… gues its just another chapter in the book of fucked up ex’s…
Trapped in my mind my thoughts start to process… Stuck in my mind trying to escape all this distress.. Thoughts of how much I care so much for what doesnt feel the same way… Thoughts of a path that leads to today… Instead of a tomorrow I can not promise to thee… Thinkin to myself education n money is the only way to succeed… Brainwashed by society to believe in what I can not see… Disguised as hope not blind fury… Trying clear my path my vision gets blurry… Ignorance disguised as road blocks on my way to victory… Victory that is unknown.. Fighting a battle within that cant be won… Needing something else to believe in like fake prophets… Tryna breakeven with fake profits… Fighting for lost cause like a boxer with no arms… Just tryna find a way out with da key that opens truth… Surfocating the ignorance thats disappearing with my youth… The soul searching continues hoping there’s still time… in the mean time writtin empty.chapters as am.trapped.in my mimd
I have tried analysing life several times before, when the parties come to an end and the Alcohol is no more, that’s when living transforms into a God forsaken chore, and following the rules is such a society driven bore, I say God cuz I’ve been programmed to not believe in none, but I see no intervention’s and I see no rising sun, and if am wrong then strike me down and break these breathing lungs, I’ve seen countries harm each other like its second nature some, just want to watch nation burn and dance to corrupted drums, and that is why the rippers music shall continue to live on, cuz chaos is like a melody and death is like a song, but I pray, delusional hope in scripted in me by strangers at birth I pray, waiting for the end, this life is a disaster I pray, watching on as mother nature seduces droughts, famine and poverty.. while the motherland gets raped by rules governed by disgrace, who have no idea what it feels like to be born with death marked up on his face, when I think about how all my loved ones have left.. I wonder how much time I have left.. if I still have the will to live on and fight.. And will the ripper believe me?.. Or am I just being selfish.. When somewhere in the middle east breaths an Arabic child with nothing but hope.. Fighting a war he doesn’t understand, but his parents died by a bomb when he was only 3 years old.. Born in a world of hatred.. The Mosque is where he finds peace asking God what he did to deserve this.. I used to have love inside me, but the cancer caused by the misunderstanding of Jihad took her from me.. Imperialist nations slaughter us, where they from they call them heroes… I call them soldiers of death leading the blind cuz they cant even see though.. That this world is driven by chaos that we don’t even realise.. May be Darwin was right, only the strong survive… I love Africa, but my love is driven by pride.. the news is so depressing, but I love her all the same.. in a marriage with such corruption, he squeezes the life right out of her, when will this shit ever end.. These days I feel so disconnected, it gets harder to get on my knees… feeling the side effects of being born in generation X, Y, Zee… Obsessed with pain and grief, damn I wish we were kids again.. I go to sleep and wake realising the world hasn’t changed… Will hope and a prayer, put love in the air, and purify this pollution created by mankind’s delusions